More than a Retreat

I just returned from co-hosting my first yoga retreat at Prana del Mar outside of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The trip was booked in July of last year and it was a tremendous amount of work that spread over nine months. I'll be real with you and say that the build up to the retreat consisted of many days of questioning why I decided to take on such a huge endeavor. On countless occasions I got overwhelmed and cursed myself for thinking I was ready to facilitate such a big trip. Luckily I was able to pull myself out of my funk. I had to remember I was taking on this project for a reason. I'm passionate about yoga and dedicated to exposing the beautiful power of yoga to my students. A yoga retreat is the perfect opportunity to immerse oneself in the practice. 

Although the planning and organizing felt like it had gone on forever, the trip suddenly crept up on me and it was time to fly to Mexico. With my moderate social anxiety I was instantly concerned about introducing all of my students to each other and creating space for everyone to socialize. My concerns were quickly eased because this group was special. Everyone instantly clicked. It was magical to get to know my students beyond what I get to experience while they're on their yoga mats. I was able to be myself and allowed my own personality to shine. Even though the yoga was the priority on this trip, I often forget how fulfilling it is to connect with others. Especially others who are willing to carve out one week for their yoga practice.

I knew Prana del Mar would be an outstanding location to host a yoga retreat, however, words cannot describe how incredibly perfect it was. Every tiny detail from the lack of mirrors in the common bathrooms to the beautifully manicured grounds to the staff who took care of our smallest needs. The yoga studios were perfect. The guest rooms were flawless. The food... oh the food! Although my intention with this trip was to let the yoga take center stage, it was impossible to upstage our home for the week. 

I realized on this trip I struggle with relaxing. Sure I easily fall into a sluggish state when I put on the Netflix, but I rarely allow myself to unplug, unwind, and just relax. On the first couple of days I found myself mindlessly meandering from one chaise lounge to the next because I didn't know what to do in my downtime. Of course I was committed to my role as a teacher when I taught classes, but the resort created the perfect environment for my group and me to just let go for many hours. It was marvelous! 

Although my intention for the retreat was for my students and me to immerse ourselves in the practice of yoga, I'm realizing so much more was gained from the experience. We were able to reset. Although the week had to come to an end, I realized I need to create more spaces in my everyday life to slow down. Staring at the Pacific Ocean from the roof of a beautiful resort in the middle of the desert quickly lulls you into a meditative state. That meditative state doesn't require a yoga retreat at a fancy resort, but hopefully such an experience reminds us that even when copious amounts of snow are falling from the sky (was that thunder I just heard?), or when our work and family life stresses us out we can still fall deeply into a mindful, meditative state of being. 

To those of you who joined me on this trip, thank you. Thank you for trusting Dylan and me for one week of yoga in Mexico. Again, you were a special group and I'm grateful my first retreat was filled with your smiles and positive energy (and all of those laughing fits that led to tears!). To my trusty pal, Dylan, thank you for diving head first into this amazing trip with me. I've learned so much from you over the years and  it was an honor to guide this group with you. And to those of you who weren't able to join us for this round, there's a chance it'll happen again...

Although the label of "yoga retreat" is common vernacular in the health and wellness communities, I would much rather consider this trip an experience. It was so much more than a week of practicing yoga. It was so much more than a week away from the day to day routine. It was truly an experience to connect with others and connect with oneself. 

To Touch or Not to Touch?

Full disclosure, I really wanted to title this post: Can't Touch This... I figured it would just date me...

In all seriousness, there's something big going on in the world. I don't just mean the yoga world. I mean the entire world. The #MeToo Movement is exposing stories of sexual abuse and violence and shining light on those who have been harrassed and belittled by those in power. I could go on and on about how this movement has affected me and those around me, but I want to keep this post focused on yoga and the unfortunate issues that have popped up over and over again in the community I admire and love. 

When I started to dip my toes into what yoga had to offer I was in transition from a world rampant with body image issues, emotional abuse, and constant power struggles: the dance world. The yoga world offered a new space full of non-attachment and a lack of competition which I desperately needed in my early 20s. When I started to practice yoga I never thought much about sexual abuse or harassment and I never questioned my relationship with my teacher. Even if I didn't know my teacher I trusted them. I even regularly put my teachers on a pedestal.  

As I got deeper into my practice and my teaching my eyes and ears became open to stories of abuse and scandal. Stories of emotional and sexual abuse started pouring out of the Bikram and Anusara communities. I was shocked and saddened. How could a teacher prey on their students in such a horrendous manner? The stories that have come out of the yoga communities rocked by scandal seem, to me, to be all about power. Teachers abusing their power as teachers and educators. This abuse of power, of course, isn't unique to the yoga community. It's clearly abundant in politics, entertainment, work relationships, romantic relationships, athletics, etc. too. 

As I became exposed to the dark side of the yoga community I started to do some reflecting. I want to be clear, I have never been sexually abused or harassed by a yoga teacher. I have, however, experienced what I see as a manipulation of power in the yoga room. On countless occasions I have been physically assisted beyond my physical abilities. I have left yoga classes hobbling because a teacher muscled me into a shape. When I reflect upon these heavy-handed assists there's one thing in common: they were done by teachers who identify as heterosexual men. For a while I thought I was being overly sensitive. That was until I started to hear stories from other female identifying teachers and students who had experienced the same, uncomfortable, forceful assists from these same teachers. I absolutely do not mean to shame male hetereosexual yoga teachers. I know there's countless students who have been injured in the same manner by female yoga teachers. There's a very good chance these male teachers were simply using their strength a little too much and that was it. However, as a female who sees herself as an equal, I question those specific teachers' motives. I didn't feel empowered to speak up or ask questions and could only make judgements based on my gut feeling. 

Situations like this have made me question my own intentions when giving physical assists in classes. There was a period of time when I thought physical assists were unnecessary and probably shouldn't be done due to the terrible physical and mental harm that had been done to yoga students receiving touch from their teacher. I now have a different perspective. I see manual assists as an important aspect of an asana practice as long as the student wants to receive touch. As detailed as my verbal cues are, there's a lot of information I cannot convey through my words. The tiniest hands-on assist gives so much information to my students. But I absolutely, 1000% think students have the right to waive me off of an assist or straight up opt out of any physical contact with me. All yoga students have the right to feel safe and respected at all times. Period. 

Action is desperately required in the yoga world. Although there's steps being made in the right direction, the Yoga Alliance needs to step up their ethics game. There needs to be more rigorous curriculum required in all teacher trainings around the topic of ethics and professional conduct. The Yoga Alliance needs to actually follow up on and check in with trainings that have their accreditation to make certain that curriculum is implemented. The Yoga Alliance has a stated code of conduct, however, registration with the Yoga Alliance is only voluntary and failure to uphold the code amounts in simply being removed from the registry. It's not enough considering countless other professions have a clear ethical code and face huge repercussions if there's allegations of sexual misconduct. A lot of yoga teachers don't like the idea of regulation, but this is an area where we, as a community, clearly need some definitive standards. 

On a more proactive level there is something that is happening via the #MeToo Movement and I hope it continues in the yoga world. People are talking. Students and teachers are sharing their stories and they are being heard. Andrea Ferretti, the producer and badass mastermind behind the Yogaland Podcast, recently interviewed Judith Hanson Lasater and Mary Taylor on sexual misconduct in the yoga community. Their stories and thoughts on the subject are important and should be heard. We as a community need to talk to each other in order to see change.

Through the conversations we have with our fellow teachers and students we need to do some deep self reflecting as individuals. Since we don't actually have a true regulatory power, we, as yoga teachers, need to set our own personal and professional code of conduct. Here's some of topics I regularly consider in my own teaching:

• Are you open to feedback from your students? If the answer is no then I truly think you should not be giving physical assists in classes. Yoga teachers should be open to feedback in the moment and after class. I'm slowly realizing the fourth wall that exists in the yoga room needs to be broken down. Conversations can and should happen between the teacher and student in the moment. Yoga teachers need to ask their students about the pressure, placement, and comfort of their assists. Yoga students are absolutely empowered to verbally and physically react to the assist they are receiving. 
• Be clear as to what areas of the body you will and will not touch. Seems like a no-brainer, right? Well, it's not. Teachers, set clear boundaries for yourself and stick with them. There should be no exceptions to your rules. I'm also challenging myself, and others, to keep the rules consistent between my female and male identifying students. 
• Be clear as to what areas of your body will and will not touch your students' bodies. There's skillful ways to use body parts that aren't your hands when assisting, but you have to be mindful of which ones. Again, set clear boundaries and stick with them. 
• Who are your assists serving? The time in the yoga room isn't about you as the yoga teacher. Your assists are there to deepen the students' understanding of the practice and keep them safe. You are simply the vessel in which the offerings of yoga are conducted through. The moment you find yourself trying to prove something through your touch it is time to step away from the student. 

I have faith our community is moving in the right direction. We need to continue to have dialogue with our students and peers. I can only imagine it isn't easy, but I am eternally grateful for the many students who have been open with me about their experiences on and off their yoga mats with sexual misconduct. I know too many people who have suffered abuse. It is deeply saddening. But these survivors have voices and deserve to be heard. Empower your students to speak up in class. Yoga teachers, you have to listen, reflect, and make choices based on the stories you've been told. For so many of us yoga has been a powerful practice for coping and healing. Let's continue on that path. 

Girl, Quit It. You Do You.

I might have a very clear, definitive perspective as a yoga teacher, but my life outside the yoga room is quite different. I have mild social anxiety. I constantly doubt myself. I have a terrible time making decisions for myself. I'm kind of messy. (My husband will disagree and say I'm very messy.) I'm incredibly lazy when I have an open schedule. I'm sure I could go on...

At the the top of my "I am" list is insecure. It's taken me many years to feel confident and comfortable while teaching yoga, however I still have a hard time turning off the inner critic. Does that person like my class?  They all hate me. They would much rather be in that other teacher's class. The inner narrative is exhausting. Especially when jealousy rises up, rather than defeating myself, I have to remind myself that not everyone is going to be into my classes. Everyone will have their preferred teacher. I will not be everyone's preferred teacher. 

I can't fail to mention, however, that the more I have developed my style as a teacher the more I feel like I'm finding my people. The students who are willing to deal with my attention to detail. The students who laugh at my stupid jokes. The students who ask questions and engage with content beyond the designated class time. It's been exciting to build and connect with this community. 

When I went through my 300-Hour Teacher Training last year one of my homework assignments was to clarify my "big picture teaching objectives". Who am I as a teacher? What do I want my students to gain from my classes? I have to constantly keep these questions in the forefront of my mind. I especially have to ask myself these question when the self doubt flares up. The answers to these questions keep me grounded in who I am as a yoga teacher and student. 

On top of reminding myself of my objectives as a teacher I've developed a new motto to chant to myself when I start to criticize myself or compare myself to others:

Girl, quit it. You do you. 

Any time I facilitate a teacher training I encourage new teachers to find themselves. You don't have to be a parrot of someone else. There's no rush to develop your voice, but you should take the time to internally investigate the teacher you want to be. And once you figure it out, be absolutely unapologetic about who you are as a yoga teacher and a human. I suppose I'm finally starting to take my own advice. 

Along with clarifying my overall teaching objections for my 300-Hour I had to brainstorm group classes, workshops, and retreats that aligned with my objective. Although everything I've been working on over the last year has aligned with my core principles as a yoga teacher, I have started to feel like there's been a disconnect between who I am as a yoga teacher and who I am as Erin Jorich, the person. I'm not just a two-dimensional, paper doll who thrives on teaching alignment-forward asana classes. I'm Erin Jorich. A person who loves the ritual of a warm beverage in the morning. A person who audibly squeals at the sight of a dog. A person who unleashes the crazy when attending soccer matches. A person who doesn't make enough time to get outside but feels nourished and whole after some quality time with Mother Nature. With that in mind my future projects are going to prioritize the many facets of who I am as a person and yoga teacher.

One last thought. I sometimes find myself buying into the cattiness that can be the yoga world. If another teacher has a huge following I need to celebrate that teacher's success rather than immediately feel envious. As a community we need to elevate each other, not tear each other down. Rather than comparing ourselves let's start paving the way for others to grow in this industry. There's room for all of us to flourish! 

Get ready, friends. I'm very excited for what's to come!

It's Hard Out There For a Yoga Teacher

I don't intend for this post to be a "have pity on me" post. I just think some perspective is important. 

I often find myself wanting to share my actual work schedule with people. Sure you can access my public, group yoga class schedule on this site. Teaching 15-20 60 minute classes a week might not seem like much, however, that schedule doesn't take into account the other time I put in at the studio, my drive time between various studio locations, countless hours I put into developing curriculum for my classes,  and effort it takes to promote my classes, workshops, retreats, and myself through various outlets. Again, don't pity me, I have a job I love and often slap myself mentally whenever I complain about my schedule. 

But this isn't about my schedule. This is about working in an industry that is hard. Don't let Instagram fool you. Being a full-time yoga teacher isn't all about doing yoga on a beautiful beach while wearing your cutest bra top with mala beads wrapped around your wrists. Being a full-time yoga teacher is about hustling for years to get enough classes to pay the bills so that you can someday quit your job in the service or retail industry. Like clockwork, once you finally think you can quit that part-time job the studio(s) you work for will go through some type of management change, rebranding, or straight up close. Suddenly you'll find yourself back at square one. 

It's been a while since I've been in the place of losing classes. If a class was taken off my schedule over the last couple years it was my choosing. However, this last week reminded me that nothing is permanent. Although I might have classes full of regular, recurring students I'm not immune to change.

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to catch up with a fellow teacher. She told me she recently lost a handful of classes due to a studio changing its schedule. A few days later I got word one of the oldest yoga studios in Minneapolis had shut its doors. Although I wasn't invested in that studio's community it broke my heart to hear the news. I had so many fond memories of studying with my teacher when he was in town and hosting workshops in that space. My heart broke for the many teachers who had invested so much time and energy in developing that community. To top it all off I found out from a friend who teaches in Georgia that she was removed from all eight classes that she teaches at one studio. 

Yoga teacher isn't a special occupation. I realize all at-will employees are at the mercy of the owner or company they work for and are at risk of losing their job without notice. It's just heartbreaking to see those who have worked so hard to develop their craft constantly feel the pain of uncertainty and doubt. 

It's definitely hard out there for a yoga teacher, however, if you are a yoga teacher I hope you stick with it. Even through the ups and downs and failures and successes. There's a reason you were called to share this yoga thing. To those of you who practice yoga and are yoga consumers, please continue to practice. Remember why you make it to your yoga mat. Remember how you feel at the end of your favorite teachers' classes. Rather than splurging on the latest and greatest yoga pants consider hiring your yoga teacher for a private lesson. There's a good chance their hourly rate is cheaper than the pants. And there's an ever greater chance the benefits from your private lesson, or even a group class you attend, will outlast the yoga pant's lifespan. 

You Are More Than Your Hamstring (In)Flexibilty

Lately some recurring questions have popped up after my yoga classes:

No matter how much I stretch my legs I feel like my hamstrings are still very tight. Why am I not seeing any progress? What else can I do?

I think these questions are fascinating for a few reasons. First, what's with the hamstrings? Why does everything think they have to have flexible hamstrings? Sure limitations in a forward fold are very easy to feel and notice, but why has it become the huge focal point for students?

Second, I have lost count of the number of people who say they can't do yoga because they can't touch their toes. When I tell someone I teach yoga it's frequently met with someone saying something about their lack of flexibility and their inability to touch their toes. What's with that? I won't deny that touching your toes does have some value. I once attended a workshop with Bryan Kest where he called Pyramid Pose "Tie Your Shoes Pose". He was explaining to his students that doing the shape doesn't really matter but having the range of motion to tie your own shoes allows people to have independence even as they age. I can buy into that. I cannot buy into the obsession of simply stretching the legs so that I can jam my nose into my shins in a forward fold. 

Paschimottanasana--Seated Forward Bend

Perhaps I'm a tad sensitive to the whole hamstring stretching thing. Years ago I developed this nagging sensation high in my right hamstring. It wasn't necessarily painful. It was just irritating. I backed off of my forward folds for a while and spent some quality time in Legs Up the Wall Pose. Eventually the sensation diminished but only for a little while. Like clockwork the irritation would flare up again and I'd be frustrated again. Eventually I started doing some research (please don't be the cliché yoga teacher like me and diagnose yourself) and realized what I was experiencing was very common in the yoga world. It even had a catchy name! Yoga butt!

How does one get a yoga butt, you ask? By overstretching the muscle attachments of the hamstrings to the sitting bones, ischial tuberosity. This is a regular occurrence for those who have a lot of mobility in their hamstrings. It's so easy to just disengage the legs and let the hamstrings stretch. However, it's important to make the muscles of the legs engage even when your intention is to stretch them. When you're working forward folds or postures that emphasize hamstring length, consider where you feel the majority of the stretch. Ideally the stretch won't be centralized near the top or bottom of a muscle or muscle group. If that's what you're feeling back out, reset, and consider ways you can engage both the front and back sides of your legs more. 

Maybe you're on the completely other end of the spectrum. Do you find yourself looking around the yoga room in a Seated Forward Fold sitting straight up and cursing those around you?

This is all I've got! I've gone as far as I can while you jerks are literally sleeping with your bellies on your legs! 

Here's a little secret: No one cares how far you've gone in your forward folds except for maybe you. I don't want to dismiss your feelings. It might not be the answer you're looking for, but not all bodies were meant to have deep forward folds. Just as I will probably never figure out how to throw a frisbee (actual fact), you might be at the maximum stretch in your hamstrings. And you know what? That's okay!

Still not going to give up on the whole deeper hamstring stretching thing? Here's a couple things that might help you gain more range of motion:

Change Your Relationship to Gravity

If you've been working on increasing your hamstring range of motion in a yoga class there's a good chance you've focused a lot on your standing and seated forward bends. If you feel like you've maxed out your stretch consider flipping on your back and taking Supta Padangusthasana--Reclined Hand to Foot Pose with a strap. I love this posture! When your body is in this position the soles of your feet and sitting bones aren't anchored down so you might be able to explore a different kind of stretch than you might get while standing or seated. 

Maybe It's Not Just Your Hamstrings

Upavistha Konasana--Seated Wide-Legged Straddle

Technically you have three actual hamstring muscles and one "pseudo" hamstring muscle. Adductor Magnus, the "pseudo" hamstring, acts as both an adductor (groin muscles that draw inner thighs toward the midline of the body) and a hamstring. In some bodies the limitation at the back of the legs is due to a tight Adductor Magnus. Postures like Baddha Konasana--Bound Angle Pose and Upavistha Konasana--Seated Wide-Legged Straddle can help lengthen Adductor Magnus.

Be mindful, however, to keep the stretch well distributed in the groin. I've found that many yoga practitioners who suffer from yoga butt aren't necessarily very flexible in their actual hamstrings, but have high mobility in their adductors. I believe this is the cause of my ailment. 

You'll Be Okay

As I mentioned before, some bodies aren't meant to have deep forward bends and that's okay! As my teacher frequently says, not everyone gets to do every posture. That has been a hard lesson for me to swallow but it is the absolute truth. You might find yourself seated up on a bolster and multiple folded blankets in Paschimottanasana for the rest of your life. Your ego might get in the way, but you'll be okay. 

In closing, I hope your yoga practice is more than you simply stretching your legs. Of course if your primary goal is to stretch your legs then I am in no place to judge. However, your yoga practice and you have so much more to offer. 

Yoga & My Competitive Spirit

It took a hardcore workout for me to realize I am an incredibly competitive person. Last year I started taking a HIIT style class three to five days a week and at 30 years old I realized I secretly wanted to compete with myself and everyone around me. 

Hmmm... that 53 pound kettlebell I swung last week was pretty tough. Should I try the 62? Of course, I should try the 62! You can't settle with 53!

Sure it's probably a tad unhealthy, but I'm extremely proud of the gains I've made at the gym. I haven't injured myself and I'm (getting better at) being moderate in my workouts when my body is telling me to do so. However, the discovery of my competitive side has been fascinating. I spent a couple years as a competitive cheerleader in high school and I didn't find myself getting worked up at competitions. I put less pressure on myself because I had a badass group of girls to rely on and support me. At the gym it's just me. I have this deep drive to work hard and prove to myself that I can do anything. You want me to run my fastest quarter mile? You better believe I'll try to go faster than I did last week. 

Of course I thought only the gym brought out my competitive side. Turns out I was wrong. This realization of my competitive spirit has caused me to do some major reflecting on the unique qualities of my personality.

Recently I was taking a restorative yoga class and I had this thought:

Sigh... It's so nice to not feel like I have to perform in a certain way in this class. The teacher isn't even really watching me. It's so pleasant to lay on this bolster and feel like I don't have to prove anything to anyone. 

Why don't those thoughts come up in all other yoga classes?!? I should never feel like I need to perform. I should never feel like I have to do anything fancy. I've made huge strides in my personal yoga practice, but unfortunately, I reflect upon the early days of my yoga practice and my competitive nature was clearly present. 

The person next to me is doing Shoulderstand. I probably should do Shoulderstand too even though I know it's not best for my neck. 

I have a block next to me to support me in Splits. Although I know I should use the block, I refuse to be the only person in the room using the block. 

Yoga truly is an examination of the human condition. Perhaps it's my older age that has allowed for me to slow down and realize no one cares if I'm doing Shoulderstand and no one cares if I'm using blocks to support me in Splits. Of course I have learned the error of my ways and I now preach all day long about the benefits of using props in a yoga practice.

Although I have learned to keep my competitive spirit at bay during my yoga practice, I do think my competitive side has helped me. Due to my deep desire to do better and be better I was driven to complete my 300-Hour Teacher Training last year. I've been teaching yoga for quite some time and my competitive nature won't let me settle. It's not a competition between my fellow yoga teachers and me. It's a drive to be the best teacher that I can be. I want to continue to explore my teaching not just for myself but for the benefit of my students. 

Lastly, to my yoga teacher friends, the competition between us as peers can quickly rise up when we start to examine the number of students in our classes. There will always be someone who has more students than you. There will always be someone on Instagram who has more followers or likes than you. Get over it! Just be you. Give what you have to give. Those around you truly appreciate the gifts you have to provide. 

December Challenge: Get Cozy

Holiday got you stressed out? Me too! I have quickly fallen into my usual December pattern. I'm living one day ahead of myself and not sure which side is up. That's when my restorative yoga practice is there to save the day!

Yogis, take some time to get cozy with a yoga bolster in one of my favorite restorative yoga postures--restorative twist. It's super simple:

• Find a large, slightly squishy, prop like a bolster, pillow, couch cushion, teddy bear, or even a dog!
• Place your legs in a narrow Z-like shape
• Scoot your hips right up to the edge of your prop
• Lay your torso across your prop
• You can slide your hands under the prop or experiment with the placement of your arms
• For less of a twist look in the direction of your knees and for a deeper twist look away from your knees

There's truly no right or wrong way to do this one. Cozy sweatshirt and socks are optional, but definitely worth it. Give it a shot! Snuggle on up!

December Challenge: Find Your Flow

I studied modern dance in college. I loved the freedom modern dance gave me to just move my body. I recall, especially in my improvisation classes, falling into a lovely flow state by just moving however I felt like moving in that moment. I recall countless occasions where I would lay on the dance studio floor and just move one of my arms over and over again in the same manner. I'd sync up my breath with my simple movement and I was in the zone. That's why it was so easy for me to fall in love with vinyasa yoga. That's why I still love vinyasa yoga. The connection of the breath and movement is meditative and calming. 

Although I have a deep appreciation for vinyasa yoga, I do find that vinyasa yoga easily gets a little too fancy. Give me the simplicity of surya namaskar, sun salutation, over an endless choreographed pattern of postures any day. There's a reason sun salutations are done early in most vinyasa yoga classes. Just emphasizing breath isn't always enough. The process of folding and unfolding the body in time with breath is almost hypnotizing. Dropping into a flow state early on allows the mind and body to truly commit to the practice. My home practice primarily consists of me doing a whole bunch of sun salutations. I never get bored. The process never feels monotonous. It just feels good to flow.

Here's my challenge to you: just flow. Do a movement and connect it with your breath. That's it. It could be as simple as lifting your arms overhead on your inhalation and drawing your hands to heart center on your exhalation. Perhaps you decide to string a long series of yoga postures together. Heck I even get into a flow state at the gym! When I'm swinging a giant kettlebell you better believe I'm syncing my movement with my breath to stay in the zone. 

Try it out! Consider ways you can find a breath and movement connection when you're off your yoga mat. Is there a movement you find yourself repeating over and over again in your daily life? Why not establish a rhythm with your breath? How does it feel? 

December Challenge: Layer Cake Breathing

This breathing exercise most likely has another name, but it was taught to me as Layer Cake Breathing so that's what we're going with! I fully support your decision to eat cake while doing a breathing practice, however this specific exercise (sadly) does not include baked goods. 

First, find your seat. This can be done in any seated position. You can also do this laying down. Laying down gives you a better feeling for your three dimensionality and brings awareness to the backside of your body so it's worth trying. Then imagine your torso was divided into three sections--a lower, middle, and upper section. Next, breathe into each section individually for five to ten breaths. Do your best to contain each breath within its specific section. Notice. Is there a section that's easier for you to breathe into? Is there a section that's more challenging for you to breathe into? Once you've worked through each section slowly inhale to continuously fill the lower, middle, and upper section. Then slowly exhale to empty from the upper, middle, and then the lower section. Work through this for five to ten breath cycles.

Consider this exercise as an exploration of your breath. Through this exploration you'll quickly become aware of your limitations. Your lungs and diaphragm are huge! And although the lungs extend all the way up to your collar bones, most people find the upper section harder to access.

Just like your asana practice, patience and consistency are key. Continue to work with this breathing exercise to focus in and explore the full capacity of your breath.

December Challenge: Put Your Legs Up

During this time of year I find myself rushing around more than usual. On top of my busy work schedule I'm fitting in lots of family gatherings, much needed coffee dates with out-of-town friends, and racing to purchase and make gifts in time for the holidays. At the end of the day I just need to put my feet up. Viparita Karani--Legs Up of the Wall Pose is the perfect yoga pose for this time of year!

It's simple. Get a wall. Scoot a few inches away from that wall and put your legs up. To make it even more enjoyable I recommend putting a block, bolster, or blanket under your lower back to elevate your pelvis. Want to make this one even more yummy? Belt your legs together with a strap.

Not only is this one perfect for tired feet and legs, but it's also been known to help alleviate anxiety and insomnia. The Hatha Yoga Pradipika claims that with regular practice of Legs Up the Wall "grey hairs and wrinkles become inconspicuous". I can't say the posture is that magical, but I swear by this one when my hamstring attachment injury flares up. 

Give yourself about five minutes to let the wall support you. Play with the placement of your legs. Ideally your femurs, upper leg bones, will effortlessly settle into your hip sockets. It can be really easy to grip your legs, but encourage your legs to relax. So what are you waiting for? Put your legs up and enjoy! 

December Challenge: Take a Seat

When I first started practicing yoga I was drawn to the physicality of yoga asana, or postures. I'd roll up my yoga mat at the end of practice and wanted to leave feeling like I had worked hard physically. With time I learned that yoga asana was really only a small fraction of the yoga practiced in the world. The word "yoga" is way more than moving your body in a yoga studio.

As I developed a stronger interest in my yoga practice I wanted to tip my toes into other aspects of yoga like meditation. For the longest time I'd set the intention to sit down and do my meditation practice, but every single time I'd get uncomfortable and distracted and move onto something less productive like scroll through my social media feed. Perhaps I wasn't ready for that aspect of my practice, but I have a hunch it was something different. It took some time, like ten years, for me to figure out the problem: I had yet to find my proper seated position. 

You might come across various resources that specifically spell out how you should place your body for meditation. Take the Bhagavad Gita for example. In chapter six Shiva tells Arjuna:

The yogi should sit on a firm seat
That is neither too high nor too low, 
Covered with sacred Kusha grass, 
A deerskin, and a cloth, 
One over the other, in a clean spot.

Now I'm fresh out of Kusha grass and my cats would probably lose it over the deerskin, but that doesn't mean I can't meditate. I sincerely think you should place your body in a way that feels right for you. If you can't get comfortable you'll never get past your discomfort. Would you rather lay down? Then lay down! Do you want to sit on your heels? Sit on your heels! At least for me, I had to establish a proper position in order to make progress in my meditation practice. 

Initially it was always my back that would irritate me a just a couple minutes into my meditation. It's taken some experimentation and guidance from my teacher for me to find a seat that feels right in my spine. Lately I've settled on propping myself up on a block, bolster, or meditation cushion. I choose to sit in Sukhasana, a variation on Easy Pose, and I sit pretty far forward on my prop so that my lumbar spine maintains its natural curve. From there the rest of my spine seems to fall into place. Occasionally I have to check in with my neck and draw the back of my skull up and slightly back to prevent my chin from lifting up. 

If you too are struggling with your meditation practice my advice for you is to take some time to establish a position for your body that you can stay in for a few minutes. This might take some time. Add props. Subtract props. Sit up. Lay down. Use a wall. Find something that is comfortable and sustainable. From there your meditation practice might come with more ease. And don't feel like you have to choose the same position every time. Let your position be based on how you feel in the moment. Just like you might modify in your asana practice, it's okay to change things up. 

One last note, and I can't fail to mention this, it's been extremely helpful for me to actually eliminate the word "mediation" from my vernacular. I'm using the word in this post as it's a commonly used word. However, my teacher often refers to this practice as "seated practice". For whatever reason I have this idea of what a meditation is supposed to be. Reminding myself I don't have to do or be anything specific has helped me make huge strides in my practice. 

Just sit. Just be. And drop into your practice. 

December Challenge: Slow Down for Your Sanity

As many of you know I suffer from anxiety. Luckily I have yoga to help me out! However, when life gets crazy I'm not great about carving out time for my yoga. I frequently spiral into this vicious cycle of getting anxious about all the things I need to do so I scramble to make time for my practice because I know it'll make me feel better, but I then don't make time for my practice and my anxiety just increases. It's terrible. 

But here's the deal, your practice doesn't have to be a full 60-90 minute practice where you roll out your mat and finish in a puddle of sweat. Your practice could be a two minute meditation. Your practice could be a few breaths in Supta Padangusthasana with a strap. Your practice could be a few seconds where you pause at your desk to focus on your breath. It's important to take the pressure off yourself and remember your practice can take on many shapes. Once I got over the mental hurdle of what my practice is supposed to look like I started to feel a lot better and didn't feel so anxious about fitting in my practice. 

As we creep into the hectic holidays, yogis, I'm offering a little gift to you. Every few days in December I'll be posting videos or small points on how to fit in your yoga practice. The posts will vary from simple restorative postures to meditations to help you focus to basic breathing exercises. I'll be right there with you throughout the entire month in hopes we can all slow down a bit during the busy holiday season and maintain our sanity. 

Be sure to find me on Instagram and Facebook if you haven't done so yet to follow along. Be sure to add #slowdownforyoursanity if you want to capture a photo or video and join other yogis who are taking on the challenge.  No fancy poses, No party tricks. Just time for you to practice some self care. I'll also be sure to post all my tips here on my blog too. 

Let me know how I can help you throughout the month! My hope is that we, as a community, can hold each other accountable. 

Forget Everything You've Ever Been Told

Do you ever feel like one year you read a study about how coffee is bad for you and then the next year you read a study about how coffee is great for you? Remember when fat was the devil in your diet? Now everyone's chowing down on avocados because it turns out fat (the good stuff) is an important thing to consume. 

It's not exactly the same, but in the yoga world we learn, we grow, and we often realize we were teaching postures in a way that maybe didn't support our students in a healthy manner. As one of my colleagues so beautifully puts it: We reserve the right to get smarter. Damn right we reserve the right to get smarter! All teachers, no matter the subject, should continue to explore and learn even if that process reveals that what they taught their students in the past wasn't right. And it's important to keep in mind that the yoga most of us know is only about 100 years old. As more and more people dedicate time to their yoga practice we, as yoga teachers, are starting to learn more about how the practice can be helpful, but also how the practice can potentially be harmful. 

I am not ashamed to admit that for at least the first five years of my teaching (and probably longer) I would tell my students to draw their shoulder blades down any time they had their arms overhead. I instructed these arm overhead postures in this manner because that's what I was taught to do and I saw the value in getting students to release their shoulders from their ears. Then I learned about anatomy and how the body actually moves and I'm grateful I took the steps to refine my craft to move my students in a safe and sustainable fashion. 

Let's talk shoulder movement. 

First, let's clear up what I mean when I say "shoulders". When I refer to the shoulders I'm referring to the entire capsule of your shoulder which includes your scapula (shoulder blade), humerus (upper arm bone), clavicle (collar bone), and all the muscles that encompass that region. The shoulders are highly mobile and very complex. We're lucky our shoulders are built in such a manner so that we can push, pull, and pick up things from high and low.

Let's take the action of reaching for something up high. Say you're reaching for that sweet, sweet jar of Nutella in your cabinet. I'm sure you'd simply reach up for that jar without thinking deeply about what your shoulder was doing in the process. Even if you did think about the movements of your shoulder while reaching for that hazelnut, chocolatey goodness, I can guarantee you wouldn't pull your shoulder blade down while you reached up. So why do we do it in our yoga practice?

Without getting too nerdy with the anatomy there's a little something called the glenohumeral or scapulohumeral rhythm. Drawing the shoulder blades down when the arms go overhead fights against that natural rhythm. In most bodies the upper arm can lift to about 30 degrees without the scapula having to move. When the arm lifts higher than 30 degrees the  scapula begins to lift and eventually laterally rotate. Here's a video if you're a more of a visual learner. The video clearly shows the lift of the scapula, but doesn't really highlight the rotation. I'll be sure to send the person who posted the video my two cents... But the visual shows exactly how the upper arm and scapula move together when the arms elevate. 

Unfortunately, constantly tugging the shoulder blades down when the arms are in an overhead position can actually be detrimental to your shoulder joints. I do not want to sound like an alarmist and the chances of you injuring yourself from pulling your shoulder blades down is pretty unlikely, but forcing the shoulder blades down when they actually want to lift isn't helpful. Again, without getting too nerdy on the anatomy, you have some very strong muscles in your back and one of their primary functions is to draw the shoulder blades down. However, the action of drawing the shoulder blades down is meant for when your arms are not overhead. You also have some very tiny, relatively weak rotator cuff muscles around the top of your shoulder joint that are necessary for the various movements  and stability of your upper arm in the socket. The rotator cuff muscles are tiny guys that are intricately placed between and around your clavicle and other bony processes. When you lift your arms overhead and use your strong back muscles to draw the shoulder blades down your tiny rotator cuff muscles don't stand a chance. Those little guys can get squished by your clavicle and it's fellow bony processes since everything is being forced down by your strong back muscles. 

You, guys, I'm killing it with these graphics!

That was a lot... but it's important stuff to realize especially when you consider how frequently you lift your arms overhead in a vinyasa yoga class. 

I do struggle with the fact that so many yoga teachers haven't gotten the memo on how the shoulders function, but I have to remember that not every yoga teacher loves anatomy like me and not everyone has the time to deepen their studies. Those who do direct their students to draw their shoulder blades down when the arms are overhead are doing so because they think it's a helpful direction to give. Lately I find myself initiating more one-on-one conversations with my students after class. If I notice someone firmly drawing their shoulder blades down when the arms go overhead in practice I usually ask them if they have any limitations in their shoulders and a good portion of them say they've been having some pain. I then discuss the natural movement of the shoulders and why it's important to let the shoulder blades elevate with the arms. Most students are shocked. It's like I told them Santa wasn't real. But it is incredibly rewarding to hear those students tell me their shoulder pain has subsided after just a few practices. 

Is this new information to you? Try it out! How does it feel? Are you a yoga teacher who has told your students time and time again to draw the shoulders down? Don't fret! You're in excellent company, but it's important to acknowledge the information that's out there and continue your growth as an educator. 

My Back Hurts

A year ago I realized I love to lift weights. Recently I was able to do an American kettlebell swing with a 62 pound kettlebell and it was one of the most empowering days of my life. I felt like the Incredible Hulk! I was totally jazzed afterwards! But you better believe I was sore for the rest of the week. The soreness in my butt and leg muscles reminded me of my accomplishment and I reveled in it. I know I'm not the only one who thrives on muscle soreness. The soreness reminds us that we worked hard. However, there's one area of the body that causes so many people, including yoga students, concern when they feel soreness: the back. 

I don't practice the Bikram series as much as I would like. Although there's so much controversy around Bikram the person, I think the series is quite brilliant. I believe the Bikram series works because it emphasizes all the natural ways in which the spine moves. Of course going too far in a backbend isn't natural and isn't good. And if you have a herniated disc the head to knee, deeply rounded postures might not be the best choices. But moving the spine is generally a good thing for most bodies and we shouldn't be afraid to do so. 

When I sporadically make time for that 26, static posture, Bikram series I feel it the next day. I typically feel it around my ribs and my back. It's a soreness I don't typically feel from other forms of yoga or exercise. It's soreness that used to concern me. My back hurts! I must have done something wrong! 

I work my arms, abs, legs, butt and I'm sore for days and I am thrilled! The muscles around my spine get worked a bit and I'm concerned. What's with that? I will not deny that the spine is a sensitive region. Back pain is incredibly common and some times it's something to be concerned about,. However, all back pain or soreness isn't bad. If you do a rigorous practice and you're aware of the muscles around your spine the next day don't let fear be your first response. Take a moment to reflect upon your practice. What did you do? Did you do something that required you to engage the muscles around your spine? Yes? Then don't be surprised if the muscles around your spine are sore!

I definitely don't mean to disregard anyone who is concerned with back pain. It's a real and sadly common thing. It comes down to awareness. My hope is that a consistent yoga practice will help students become more aware of their own body and not fear all sensations. When you become aware of your body, what feels normal and what doesn't, you can then make a better decision as to whether the pain you feel is just muscles that were worked or pain that should be addressed by a medical professional. (As great as I think yoga is, please, please, please contact a medical professional if you are at all concerned about back pain.)

I'll let you with one last thing to remember, moving your body is way better than not moving your body.

You Don't Have to Yoga Alone

This week was a pretty big week for me. I took three public, group yoga classes. Yes. Three! The last time I took that many public classes I was in San Francisco and all three of those classes were taught by my teacher. With my teacher I know what I'm going to get. When I step foot into a class with a teacher I don't know all sorts of anxiety overwhelms me. It's hard enough for me to carve out time to get on my mat. When I calculate in drive time, finding parking, and paying for the class I often wonder if it's worth it. Not to mention I have to give myself a little pep talk before class which usually consists of, "Don't be a judgmental jerk. You have something to learn from all teachers." 

Over the last year or so 95% of my practice has been either at home or in an empty yoga studio. Sometimes it's just me moving through whatever postures, pranayama exercises, or meditation I need that day. Other times I take a guided practice with my teacher through YogaGlo. Either way it's just me. Doing my practice. By myself. 

I took class at the beautiful Yess Yoga in South Minneapolis. Check it out!

I'm so grateful I got off my high horse and took class this week. Each class offered me something a little different, but every class allowed me to get out of my head and just commit to my practice. I was able to move and breathe with a community of yogis and get direct feedback from skilled teachers. It was great!

Here's my question to you, yogis, have you fallen into a pattern with your practice? Do you always take class from the same teacher(s)? Do you only go to a specific studio? Do you only take one type of yoga? Why not get a little uncomfortable and try something new? I am the first one to advocate for a student to find one teacher, but I'm also opening my eyes to the value of branching out at times. Give it a shot! 

Full Exposure

The following is kind of a continuation on my post from earlier this week and a post from June about "The Yoga Teacher Guessing Game". 

I had a moment the other night. I was putting dishes away and thought, "What am I doing?" The question didn't relate to cleaning my kitchen, it was in regards to how I've been spending all my time. 

After catching up with an old friend recently it dawned on me that I'm working a full-time job and a part-time job. This is the era of the side hustle after all. I guess I needed in on the game too. I spend 30-45 hours a week teaching public classes, working at the studio, and prepping my classes. I then spend 20-30 hours a week creating content for my website, developing material for workshops, promoting my workshops and retreats, and teaching a private session or two. That's a lot of time! 

After my "what am I doing?" moment I started to wonder if the part-time, side hustle stuff is worth it. The part-time stuff doesn't really pay the bills (at least not yet) and it's a lot of extra work on my plate. As I write my blog posts I wonder, "Is anyone actually going to read this?" I publish my class content so that students know what to expect and have a deeper understanding of my classes and I think, "No one actually wants to do the supplemental reading." And then I recently created a newsletter and quickly questioned, "Does anyone really care about my content enough to subscribe to my newsletter?" The thoughts are agonizing. 

As a yoga teacher I'm slowly realizing how exposed I am. Although I've learned to not get so wrapped up in the numbers, smaller class sizes can feel defeating. (Side note: The educator in me actually loves smaller classes. My ego is another story.) I promote my workshops and hope people attend. If they don't the inner critic runs rampant. I have big hopes for the one week retreat I'm co-leading in Cabo next year, but I often wonder if anyone actually wants to give their time, money, and energy to studying yoga with me for a week. 

I once heard my teacher say something about yoga teachers wondering when they get to work less. He answered with, 'You don't". If you're dedicated to a professional craft like teaching yoga you continue to develop your skills and put more and more of yourself into your work. I don't think I've ever worked so much in my life, but I've also never felt so fulfilled by my work. Sure my blog or class content posts might not get a lot of hits, but developing the material definitely feeds me in a way that is necessary as I creep into my eighth year of teaching yoga. 

Although this relatively new process feels fulfilling, I also feel exposed. I'm slowly realizing I have to be okay with getting a little uncomfortable. If you know me well you are aware of my aggressively Type A personality. I like to be good at things. I like to follow rules. I do not like to fail. However, this process of dipping my toes into new, uncharted territories has been good for me. It most definitely increases my anxiety, but it's forcing me to slow down, focus, and stay committed even when things get challenging. 

My teacher and his wife have a podcast, Yogaland. Yoga people, start listening if you haven't yet. In their most recent episode it felt like Jason and Andrea were speaking directly to me. I often get in the way of myself and need to just let the yoga do its work. It's a tad ironic that yoga is what is actually causing my anxiety and questioning my life's direction, but I have to remember that yoga is also my tool to remain calm and collected in the face of stress. Just as it took me years of practice to reliably balance in Forearm Balance or just as I'm still working on a consistent meditation practice, it is going to take time and patience to figure out where I'm going with this yoga teaching thing. And who knows? Maybe I'll never figure it out. I'll just have to enjoy the process and remind myself that I am enough and what I have to offer is enough. 

Beyond Public Classes

I took a class in college on dance theory and the examination of the dancing body through the lens of race, class, gender, sexuality. The professor for this class intimidated me to no end. Physically she was petite. Energetically her presence demanded attention. I recall sinking into my chair during her lectures with the hope she wouldn't call on me. In a tiny room with a max of 25 students I was never very successful. The class ended up being one of my favorites in my five years of college (yes I was in college for five  years). Now this professor occasionally takes my public classes. The first time she took my class I wanted to bolt out of the studio. Of course I've matured in my teaching and I find her in my classes with more regularity. Yesterday on her way out of the studio she said, "You really need to teach a 75 minute class." I took that as a huge compliment and responded with, "75 minutes? I really need to teach a 90 minute class." 

My regular students hear me say it all the time, but 60 minutes just isn't enough time! As I've grown into my teaching and developed my voice I'm learning that I want more time with my students. I intentionally format my classes in a way that encourages students to take my classes on a regular basis. Every one or two weeks I expand upon the material from previous practices. I started this process earlier this year and it has been so satisfying to watch students embody the content. I can also see that students are truly benefiting from the process as they dive deeper into their practice. 

Public classes are popular for a reason. You've got 60 minutes to spare? Just hop into a class at your closest studio. You'll most likely leave feeling energized, focused, and you'll probably get a decent workout. Talk about efficiency! Of course I selfishly want more time with my students. That's why I've started to explore the world beyond public classes. I'm still maintaining my full-time class load of 15 or so public classes a week, but I'm realizing there's other avenues I need to explore. This exploration isn't just for me, but for my students. 

I have a private client I was recently adjusting in Downward Facing Dog and she exclaimed, "You see, everyone needs this kind of attention!" She's right. A lot gets missed in public classes. I often feel guilty that I can't address all students' postures in a 60 minute class. But I have to remember that's not the purpose of a public class. I offer private sessions for that reason. I'm also dipping my toes into leading workshops and retreats to give students a chance to really dive into concentrated content with me. Sound like something you're interested in? I'll always post my upcoming workshops and special classes on my Events page. Check it out! 

I feel lucky to have found a teacher that resonates with me. It's not the best route for everyone, but once I dedicated a lot of time to studying and practicing with my teacher I started to make real strides in my practice. When I was practicing with a handful of teachers I felt like I wasn't progressing. Stagnation isn't bad, of course. Now I just feel like I have a better understanding of my practice and I've been able to seamlessly go beyond my asana practice and layer in pranayama and meditation. I'm definitely not everyone's teacher, however if you're truly committed to your practice give yourself permission to explore various teachers. Once  you find the one that clicks consider working one-on-one with that teacher or get involved with your teacher's workshops. What do you have to lose?

The Postures Have Power

I tell the following story in just about every teacher training I facilitate:

My husband's practice is quite sporadic, but he's a trooper and occasionally makes it to his mat to please me. Years ago we were taking a class together. The teacher broke down Crow Pose and then gave her students a moment to try it for themselves. My husband had tried Crow a few times but was never quite able to pick up both of his feet. In this particular class he was able to balance on his hands for the first time. He was so delighted that he very loudly said, "Check it out!" I glanced over and couldn't contain my laughter. He was so excited! He had conquered a posture he had never been able to do before. 

I share this story with teachers in training because it's important to remember that students can gain a huge sense of success and satisfaction in their practice. Overcoming fears or seeing progress in ones practice can build confidence, joy, and peace. It's a powerful thing. 

I catch myself regularly telling students the postures are simply postures. Through the most mundane, challenging, exciting, frustrating postures you learn about yourself, you're able to focus in, and you may be able to translate your ability to manage all the things life throws at you once you step off your yoga mat. I absolutely believe the postures are a tool. However, the postures are also feats to accomplish. Do you remember the first time you were able to lift your toes off your mat in Crow? Do you recall the first time you were able to hold Side Plank without feeling like your bottom arm was going to snap in half? Do you remember the first time you felt that indescribable buzz in Savasana?

As a new student it's so exciting to reach the next milestone. Unfortunately, as students progress in their practice those milestones become less and less. I'm definitely speaking from experience. Although I am loving my slower, more focused asana practice that has developed over the last year or so, I sometimes feel like I've hit a plateau in my physical practice. And then I proved myself wrong this morning.  

There's one posture I've always wanted to get into: Visvamitrasana. It's such a beautiful posture and it's always looked like a posture I should be able to do. It's a sidebend and I LOVE sidebends. It's an arm balance and those are kind of my thing. So why, oh why can I not do a sidebending arm balance? Honestly, I just haven't been patient with myself. In my morning practice today I took my time. Visvamitrasana is a huge posture. Huge postures take time to develop. 

I've gotten into Visvamitrasana in the past, but it was very wobbly and it almost seemed like a fluke. This morning I was able to do the posture a few times on each side for multiple breaths without freaking out. It felt amazing! And it reminded me what it felt like to be a new student again reaching all those big milestones for the first time. I hope I hold onto that feeling. It's important to remember what it feels like to be a beginner. It's important to remember that the postures are powerful. The postures bring a huge sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Yoga isn't just about postures, but I'm okay with recognizing their importance. 

It didn't  happen if there's not photographic evidence, right? 

It's Okay to Not Be Okay

A couple weeks ago I posted the following on Instagram:

Want a truth bomb? I have a history of anxiety and mild depression. For the most part yoga has helped me manage it. However, lately I've been feeling overwhelmed and can't remember the last time I slept more than 5 hours in one night. My caffeine intake has increased and my self care has decreased. A couple days ago I felt out of control and knew exactly what I needed to do. I rolled out my mat, did a brief asana practice and then finished with a long pranayama and meditation practice. Afterwards I was able to think clearly and regulate my emotions better. It's a routine I need to adopt with more regularity as I'm starting to juggle more life things. With a post like this I can't fail to mention that yoga will not fix or cure everything. For now it helps me, but that might not always be the case. I was once on antidepressants. It was a stigma I didn't enjoy carrying around, but I needed them. Yoga is a powerful tool, it's just not the only tool. We're living in stressful times and it's okay to feel what you're feeling. It's also 100% okay to reach out for support when you need it. Be excellent to each other, but also be excellent to yourself.

The outpouring of support and comments from this post were surprising. Every comment was heartfelt and backed with love, but it wasn't something I expected when I composed the post. I put this post out there because it was real. Social media gives us a unique opportunity to share real moments with others. Social media is regularly used to highlight the fun, exciting, happy moments of life. I might post lots of pictures of me doing pretty yoga postures or doing something cool outside, but each post is a teeny, tiny snapshot of a short moment in my life. I think it's important to also highlight the real, sometimes ugly and sad moments too. Hence the above mentioned post. 

I am absolutely grateful for all the loving comments from people on Instagram. It fills my heart to know so many people care for me. I didn't feel brave or courageous. I was just posting something very real about how yoga has helped me. I was posting something very real about something I try to manage on a daily basis. I was posting something very real with the hope others would feel comfortable posting something real, sometimes ugly, and sad too. Due to my post it became very clear there's so many other people trying to manage anxiety and depression just like me. 

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It might be one month in which suicide is talked about more openly, but it's time to break the stigma. My Instagram post made me realize how many people are afraid to share their experiences with mental illness. I totally understand. It's an uncomfortable secret that often feels like it should be left buried. But here's the thing, those of us who have and do suffer from mental illness are not alone. When we step out of the shadows and open up it becomes clear that there's many of us going through similar struggles. 

I am not saying it is easy to open up about mental illness. When I was in college my depression was so debilitating I would spend all day in bed. I could not physically get out of bed. I had spent endless hours taking technique classes and faced rejection after rejection before I got into my college's dance program. Then my depression and anxiety took over and there I was missing all the classes I had worked so hard to get into. I was ashamed. I was frustrated. I felt hopeless. But I eventually got help. I was prescribed medication and it's exactly what I needed. I was opposed to taking antidepressants, but I needed them. There should be zero shame attached to receiving help when help is needed.

I recently saw Phantogram in concert (it was amazing by the way!) and Sarah Barthel shared with the audience that she had lost her sister to suicide in early 2016. She expressed she was still dealing with the loss of her sister and all her fans felt for her. While sharing her story Sarah said, "It's okay to not be okay." It's so true. It's absolutely okay to be way less than okay. If you're not okay please know that it is a legitimate feeling. If you're not okay and want to talk please reach out. There's a lot of amazing resources available if you need help. The National Alliance on Mental Illness is dedicated to helping those in need and is a leader in erasing the stigma of mental illness.

We're all in this life thing together. Let's help each other through it. 

Thoughts on My 31st Birthday

Today I turn 31. It's a weird number, 31. Last year was a monumental, slightly traumatic birthday. Turning 30 was hard for me. While saying goodbye to my twenties I struggled with my place in this world and questioned if I was making the right choices in my life. Now I'm like, "Bring on my thirties!" It's so cliché, but thirties are absolutely better than twenties. 

If you know me you know I'm not really into birthdays. It's just another day, but a day when I'm very aware of how old I am. Birthdays aren't my favorite,  however I do enjoy the time I take to reflect upon the 365 days that have passed since my last birthday. Sadly I've had some birthdays where I was disappointed in the choices I had made in the last year, but reflection just allows for substantial growth. As I reflect upon my transition from 30 to 31 I am beyond delighted! Seriously, it has been a stellar year. 

First, and foremost, I'm hands down healthier than I have ever been. Roll your eyes all you want, but working out has changed my life. I am incredibly grateful I found a gym and a fitness mentality that works for me. As I've mentioned many times before, I was never an athlete growing up. My short stint as a competitive cheerleader was the only taste I had of athletic training. It only scratched the surface. Although I'm currently not training for a specific sporting event, at 31 I feel like an athlete training for something big. I'm training to live a fit, happy, healthy life. Of course yoga is still my first love. As I age yoga has become an absolutely essential part of my life. 

Along with working my butt off in the gym, this last year has pushed me to be a more disciplined, focused person. I finally feel like I'm on the right path when it comes to my career. Nothing has actually changed in my career as a yoga teacher, but I feel like I've finally found my voice and direction. I'm happy with the groove I've fallen into. I've pushed myself to take chances and stay true to who I am as a teacher. I've put myself out there by proposing workshops and even booking my first yoga retreat in March. This coming year is going to be a good one! I can feel it!

Of course I can't gloss over the fact that I had the life changing experience of completing my 300-Hour Teacher Training in San Francisco, CA with Jason Crandell. The discipline and focus I've cultivated in my teaching career most definitely stems from my training. I could go on and on about the experience, but I won't. It was a magical, enlightening experience that I will hold close to me for many years to come. 

Through teacher training I met the most amazing human beings. It reminds me that in the last year I've felt more connected to the people who matter the most to me. Some have been in my life for decades, others just months. I'm learning to develop deeper relationships with those who matter most to me. It's been a rewarding process. 

As challenging as it is to point out, these past twelve months haven't been rainbows and unicorns. At 31 I am ashamed and baffled by the state of US politics and social/racial relationships. How is it 2017 and I'm reading a story about Nazis and white supremacists? What decade are we in when black men are regularly profiled by authorities? Women are still fighting for the right to choose? Really?? Although I feel like I'm living in a terrible reality television show, I'm glad I'm 31 while all of this is going on. I'm grateful I have memories of previous leaders who didn't live by hatred and bigotry. I'm glad I'm at an age when I am aware of the differences I can make. In the past year, especially since November, even if I don't see eye to eye with another individual I'm working on being less defensive, listening, and reminding myself that we're all in this together. 

Thanks for keeping it real, 30, but I'm excited to see what 31 has in store. I fully intend to make it the best year yet.