The other week I was between classes and had to leave the studio. I decided to sit in my car for some alone time. The moment I shut my car door I began to cry. I’m sure there was a lot wrapped up in that cry. A good cry is necessary sometimes. But I know this cry was connected to an interaction from earlier that day.

That morning I checked a student into class and asked how they were doing. The student proceeded to tell me this was their first yoga class in a long time. They shared that they felt out of shape and would most likely take class very slowly. They were sure they wouldn’t be able to keep up with the tempo of class.

Then came the apologies.

Before class even started the student apologized for the modifications they’d probably take in class and for the breaks they would probably take throughout class. I replied with, “You have nothing to be sorry about. Please take class at your own pace and make choices that feel right for you.”

Right before the student walked into the studio they turned around and said, “Oh. And I’m coming back from having two kids.”

In all my years of teaching there’s many moments that have stuck with me. I know the interaction I had with this student will be one of those stick-with-me moments.

This student’s apology prior to the beginning of a class was not unique. Especially during COVID I have been met with all sorts of apologies and explanations from students.

I’m so out of shape.

I’m sorry I haven’t shown up for practice in a while.

I put on a lot of weight over the last few months.

I’ll probably tap out at some point because I probably won’t be able to make it through the entire class.

Just ignore me. I’ll probably be moving very slowly.

After I receive an apology from a student, I wonder, What have we done? What is it about yoga and yoga spaces that makes students feel like they have to apologize for the way they look, move, or show up?

Let me acknowledge that humans are generally insecure. Whether it’s showing up for a yoga class, a wedding, a Zoom meeting, school graduation, brunch with friends - we’re all incredibly hard on ourselves and constantly judge our appearance. At least for me, the moment someone gives me a compliment I’m quick to provide a self-deprecating rebuttal. I understand we’re all our hardest critic.

From my own experience I know COVID has been challenging in more ways than one. My routine was thrown out of whack. I stopped working out as much as I had. I was deeply depressed and that depression was present in every single thing I did or did not do. I gained a fair amount of weight and struggled (and still struggle) with looking a pictures that were taken during COVID.

I can acknowledge all of these challenges and remember that I have been surviving a pandemic. People have been dying. Folks have been isolated. We have been living through unprecedented, heart breaking, and eye opening times. Sure, humans are resilient creatures. At the same time humans can only process so much intensity at once. Your yoga practice shouldn’t be adding to your struggles!

Rather than getting sad about the whole thing, I’ll do something constructive that brings me peace and a sense of calm:

I’ll create lists!

Yoga students:

Keep in mind that the practice of yoga is there for you no matter the shape of your body.
Find yoga teachers who help you feel good about yourself no matter how you show up.
Consider taking classes where you aren’t constantly exposed to mirrors - Sure, they can be helpful for alignment, but what are you they doing to your mental space?
Yoga isn’t just a physical practice! For real, folks. Just the shapes are only exposing you to the tiniest fraction of yoga’s (and your!) potential.

Yoga teachers - y’all better consider yourself to be students, too:

Be mindful of using language like modification. Modification indicates there’s a hierarchy of options. Consider offering variations or options. Plus, explain why someone might choose a specific option.
Can we all agree that phrases like bikini body, earn your dessert, and 6-pack abs do not belong in the yoga space?
Speak to other aspects of yoga that do not involve placing the body in physical shapes. I know. As an alignment-based teacher I constantly speak to the body. I also know it’s just as important to touch upon things like focus, self-regulation, and choice within the practice.
Make a stance that diet culture and body-shaming are not welcome. Period.

Everyone, consider how you are consuming yoga. Over the last couple years I’ve done a massive purge on my social media feeds. I am not interested in following accounts who pitch diet supplements under the guise of yoga. If I have the slightest feeling that an account makes me feel bad about myself I instantly hit the unfollow button and that freedom feels real good.

Yoga is about liberation. Yoga is about finding a method of practice that allows for you to feel a sense of union with Self, the greater whole, and/or a higher power. If your practice is making you feel like you have to apologize for how you show up for a practice then it is definitely time to reconsider that practice.